The Sex Files: Why you need to stop buying lingerie

Anyone who wants to wear something to feel sexier has my support.

Whether it’s a good suit or a pair of heels, many garments can give you an indescribable sense of sensuality or swagger.

When it comes to lingerie, however, you might wonder if there’s any point. Why put something on, only to take it straight off minutes after you’ve been seen in it?

Lingerie isn’t for your partner, though. Not really. Yes, they do get to see you in a sexy costume-of-sorts, but that’s only at the end of the process of wearing such things.

See, lingerie isn’t really about how you look. The purpose is not to put on a strip show. It’s not limited to those with supermodel bodies, nor do you put it on so you have sex appeal to your partner.

Lingerie is about a feeling. It makes you feel sensual, it puts you in touch with your body, and it focuses your mind on your sexuality.

Clothes can give you confidence, and lingerie – or any other kind of sexy undergarment – is a way to give you sky-high self-conviction. Worn under regular clothes, lingerie is like having a sexy little secret. Only you know it’s there, and only you know what’s going on inside your mind.

Lingerie doesn’t have to be expensive and complex. Yes, you can go the extravagant Victoria’s Secret route, or get into garments that have straps and zips and buttons galore. Or, you could just go down to Farmers and get some pretty pants. Something made of a nice fabric that you find appealing (simple silk, lace, or lycra, anyone?) in a cut that’s unusual for you.

I think sexy underwear is an ideal way to bring back spark to anyone’s sex life when it dwindles. I believe it gives the wearer the authority to initiate sex where they mightn’t usually feel they have it. This is particularly helpful if you and your partner have identified that interest in sex has become one-way.

It’s understandable to ponder why lingerie isn’t for you. You don’t look like Heidi Klum. You think it’s uncomfortable. You wonder why you’d bother when nobody will see it, or the person who will see it won’t care.

All of these hesitations are valid, which is all the more reason to give lingerie a go. I can guarantee you’ll prove yourself wrong.

Why does lingerie make you feel sexy? It impresses yourself – and when you impress yourself, your attitude will automatically be endearing to another person.

Underwear is worn right on the skin. When it’s stylish and sexy (unlike a pair of granny panties, old boxer shorts, or a sad beige bra) this helps you reconnect with the way thinks touch your skin and your sensitivity to it. It primes you for a sexual mood; it’s an aphrodisiac. It’s even better than champagne, chocolate, or roses, to be honest.

Most importantly, lingerie is about giving you a sense power. Wearing it is a secret that you can choose to reveal, or choose not to. It’s like a weapon and it’s your choice to use it. There’s also something really appealing about holding in such a secret. It’s something you only see in the movies. It’s occasional. It’s indulgent.

Buying lingerie is an investment for your quality of life. Wear it under a power suit to a job interview and you’ll feel more self-assured. Wear it to a party under a cocktail outfit and you’ll feel alluring to everyone in the room. Wear it on holiday to make your time in a posh hotel feel extra special.

It’s not just for sex. Lingerie is about self-confidence. It gives you faith in yourself, which will result in sexual appeal from others. But that should merely a by-product, not the first intention.